Soup Of Plugs

     I am sure you have heard the blokes from the environment organisations coming up with various dates marking the end of the world, or the year which will be the last one during which we shall be able to do something about our suffering planet. Yes, 2006 was a turning point, then the environmental deadline was postponed for 2008, but now it turned out that 2015 is the year after which we'd be better off living on Mars. But then of course, we shall all be vaporised by 2012 because we drive big cars.

    The world may really be warming up, but I personally am shivering down to my molecules. Not only was this winter the coldest for Europe since 1997, but Kuwait also got a cold wave. Every single morning I feel like a Siberian refugee, while digging my cold fridge for some signs of food, in my even colder apartment. What could be done then? I thought about buying a blazer, but then who wants to look like a servant from the Buckingham Palace? It sure isn't me. So what I did instead was purchase a small heater. I wanted it to be big and powerful or in other words, lavish. And since the electricity is free, I thought it didn't have to be very parsimonious as well.

     I opened the box happily, and immediately set the little machine through its paces. I relaxed in my chair, and set about writing, when suddenly the damned thing stopped working. ''There goes my luck again.'' I said while thinking about aiming the malfunctioning junk at the trash with a swift dribble instead of cobbling with it. ''I've seen longer lasting Mayflies!'' I was frustrated, but then one of my sensory organs was waded by a heavy smell... The one you get when you burn plastic thoroughly. I bent down and was greeted by a sad sight. My socket had diarrhoea, and it produced a peculiar smell. The whole thing had melted, and it looked more like John Prescott's face rather than an electrical outlet. 

     I couldn't do anything really, and ended up plugging my heater in another socket...Which ended up looking like Shane MacGowan. Filled with sadness, I hopelessly resorted to my last socket extension, and plugged the heater in it... And it worked...until the whole thing caught fire and ended up looking like coal. Seriously, since then, there has been nothing more frightening in my house than that terrifying heater! You name it. Guns, knives, bats, gas bottles...Nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to that machine which is capable of setting you on a heavenly fire while you are sleeping.What a nuisance!

     It is now sitting in the corner of the room, with its plug far away from any sockets just in case, because knowing now that the heater is in a constant state of PMT, I won't be surprised if it manages to catch fire albeit not connected to anything really. And so I resorted to using a little oil radiator I have. I plugged it in the socket, and ten minutes later you'd have thought that I am roasting live humans judging by the smell coming from my apartment. Life is not easy... I so wish Global Warming would descend upon us more quickly.