The most pristine form of charity I have ever witnessed, is the ''Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation'', who give out their fortune for just about anything. Of course I can't be entirely sure the money will be assimilated properly though. In this day and age, I won't be surprised if they are swallowed by a couple of naturalist men called Sir David Attenborough and Al Gore, to help save a plant which no one cares about. Nevertheless, I do support charity a great deal, and have myself participated in some walks, clean-ups, Think Pinks and so on. But I never suspected, that hair can help cure cancer. Yes it can, so bear with me.
Apparently ''Movember'' is a very popular charity event, about which I am as clueless as a toddler. Not anymore though, because not very long ago, I was congratulated on my beard trim, and was cordially invited to participate in ''Movember''. It consists of some hairy Arabs growing a moustache until they look like a ''Sweep & Steam Mop Deluxe.'' A group of people gather afterwards in a big room, where they vote for their all time favourite Bill Oddie. This being a charity though, means that all the money collected go for cancer research, instead to the best George Clemenceau.
That is not the reason however, why I denied such a gratifying proposition. No, the reason is that if I grow a moustache, it will just look like a thin veneer of moss. I will look like as if someone drew my upper lip with a pen..I shall look hideous. Not only that, but the moustache in question never gets nearly long enough, and even if it does, I don't want to resemble a walrus when eating. Don't get me wrong though... I'd be extremely happy to help people in need, but not when I have to sacrifice my dignity and look like a desperate Beardy Branson wannabe.
And that brings me onto a brilliant idea. Why do we have ''Movember'' in November, when we can have ''mo-fame-yearly''. The genius idea behind this, is that celebrities such as Beard Branson, Justing Biebe...No...not him, and Billy Gibbons will show off their beards for charity, and the crazy fans will pay tons just for that. The craze may spread so much, that even Angelina Jolie may get a beard transplant to fund children in Africa.
However, many women will object the idea of growing forests on their chins, so why don't we have ''hairlessember''. A competition where we all shave our bodies clean, and the total weight of hair collected, will add up to a certain amount of money from the contestants. Believe me...Women will look better, men will feel confident, and all shall be good. Yes, children will not really fund a lot, but they can support by acting cute. Its a brilliant idea this, but with some limitations. You see, hairless men in a room, is as crazy as mixing Hydrogen and oxygen in a tin can. The results in both cases shall be catastrophic. The can will blow you face to pieces, and some men will be forced to leave the room walking like crabs... especially in prisons where they don't have to be hairless in the first place.
But when you think of it, charity events can be made up from pretty much anything like writing, singing, dancing, shaving, fighting, swimming and kicking a ball around... The list is virtually endless. So I have an idea that will put all this craze to rest. I shall rise over the nation much like Hitler, and will ban shaving once and for all. Women and children will get hair transplants, and there will be charity all year long, all over the world. Everyone will look like a 1980's pop star, everyone will smile under a coat of face fungus, and happiness shall prevail. I will ride to the rescue of the Third World nations by following my new operation named ''Face Fungus Domination.'' So be prepared and throw your trimmers away. That includes you Ivailo. :D On a side note, I didn't participate in the outside charity event, and my school never organised such. Maybe in a couple of more years, I shall be able to resemble Chuck Noland on a deserted island.
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