Just give me some Pizza please!

     I always manage to blow my mates away with the sheer amount of food which I am capable of ingesting all at once. Many people have asked me how do I to remain relatively slim, while at the same time blending chicken and candies for my stomach to feast on. Well... I shall provide you with an answer. To be brutally honest, I really do not know! I just chew on pretty much anything that can be digested, which shall not cause a sudden intestinal disorder and force me to visit the toilet more often than a ninety years old man with a dysfunctional external sphincter. And just when I thought that the only thing that could stop me from eating is seeing Ke$ha without make up, I found myself in the house of someone who I shall not mention the name of.
     This person, is one of those perfectionist posh individuals, which wear glasses and have their chin up higher than Everest. Or in other words...My complete opposite. I find her quite dreary to communicate with, but her speaking manners were reduced to a mere spec, when she presented me with some peculiarly looking food, which she referred to as her SPECIALTY. I am sorry? The food in question resembled a bloody placenta right after childbirth and smelt like a tomato soup with a slight hint of human excrement. It was revolting! However, because I am a cultured person who does not really illustrate his judgment with actions, I set about consuming my portion full of placenta.
     Now, if that is what the French call ''Fine cuisine'' I might just as well proclaim myself as the next Stephen Hawking. And I am sorry, but no matter how much garlic you put in, a snail remains a snail! Of course, my tongue sent distressing signals to my brain ordering it to bring the consumption process to a halt , but I just couldn't, because the ''COOK'' had her eyes on me like a hyena. She asked me if it was good, and I gladly lied. There however, was one clear upshot to all of this. The sense of achievement when you manage to accomplish something which you thought was impossible, is immense! Yes the aroma in my mouth was worse than a tramp's armpit, and yes, I was quite sure that what I just ate had created a welcoming habitat for a medium sized bacterial flora. But then again, I felt like a Russian dissident who just escaped the deadly knives of the KGB.
     So there is your answer! I eat a lot because fast food is tasty, and has no apparent effect on my body shape...YET! However, I do not eat a lot if I have some snails and sauces served on my plate which taste as if a skunk died in a pool of radioactive material.  If you don't believe me, spend some money on what some call ''REAL CLASSY'' food and I bet that most of you will leave with a bad taste in your mouth, but full of pride. Maybe that's why such food caught on...Because people felt proud of their achievement.