Smart boards are a pain in the...bottom!

      Modern technology manages to both amaze me, and disgust me. Every time I see someone chatting on a Blackberry, the lucrative concept of flying to Canada and bombing the R.I.M headquarters becomes something worth fantasizing about. Seriously, I bet my left leg that currently there are more Blackberry phones in the world, than there are actual blackberry fruits. Fat men in Tuxedos use it. Baggy teenagers use it. Prepubescent kids use it! But then, when I come to think of it, the Blackberry is the smallest irritation in my life really.
     Hybrid cars infuriate me even more. A tiny, weeny, asthmatic, underpowered, useless, hopeless and sad engine hooked up to the electro motor from a household fan, which is mated to half a ton worth of lithium-ion rubbish. I've been in a Prius, and the only thing that says ''I am an apocalyptic, overpaid, insufferable berk'' more than a Prius is ''AIDS''. You are not saving the planet with a hybrid! You just make it plain ugly. And YOU, in the middle of that human engineering fail, will cause a number of passers-by to hurdle inappropriate gestures at you.
     So when I was told last year that we shall be buying some smart boards, I squeaked with joy because I imagined working with them would make me look like Tom Cruise in ''Minority Report''. I lived to see them though, and the only thing I've got to say, is that we'd all be better off with a ''Remington Atlantic'' typewriter. The boards lag more than Ke$ha's brain, and the pen looks like dog genitalia. And I am sorry, but at 5000 pounds a pop, you'd have to have a floppy head.
     I am genuinely disappointed, but it looks like it is not only me, since no one is motivated enough to use them. We all just refer to the good old white-board. I am in no position to claim that the Smart Board is bad though, because years ago, when schools and offices switched to white-boards from chalk, everybody said that the white-board is disgusting and that they want their chalk board back. So I bet that the Smart Boards will catch up sooner or later. The technology is just not as developed at this point.